Eric the Evil Emu by Rob Spence

Eric the Evil Emu

Up in the wild North
Where hot humidity hangs
I have heard the whispered stories
Of the rogue emu gangs.

But the most evil outlaw
Emu story for us to muse
Splashed its grizzly tale
Across the national news.

Eric...caused havoc with the tourists
Even through protective fences
While stealing sandwiches, he takes their teeth out
Giving work to the local dentists.

For months Eric had his way
With Tourists, Locals and the like
Till the Queensland Police were called in
To deal with Eric, with all their might.

Community leaders petitioned
All their local pollies
Please help us stop
Erics awful follies.

The local tourist body
Said, Our study shows
While Eric is at large
Tourists will stay away in droves.

Now Eric, none the wiser
Of his gastly reputation
For months gave the boys grief
Down at the Police station.

A plan was devised to catch him
Involving a huge and handsome reward
People were coming from miles
Money strikes a greedy chord.

Steve Irwin had been heard to say
I'll throw my hat into the ring
But he retired, bruised and beaten
As he felt the fury of Eric's sting.

Tracker dogs have given up
He easily evades the indiginous lot
There was no one in Australia
That could find his hiding spot.

By this time frantic calls were made
To the fedral Politicians
For help to rout Eric
With economic submissions.

So in secret down in Canberra
With a looming lost election
It was decided to take action
To send Eric to extinction.

There will be no money spared they said
We'll finish him off, no wuks
His evil reign of terror will end
We've allowed 3 hundred million bucks!

Peter Cosgrove was summoned
to cast his tactical eye
Across the mountain of reports
Of Eric's evil ply.

His report was fast forthcoming
Back to the Canberra brass
It was the start of the end
Of Eric's epic farse.

I will bring the Air Force and Navy
The Army and the tanks
And just for good measure
From the North I'll bring the Yanks!

We'll get that evil emu
Our victory is a must
The name of this endeavour will be...
TANDEM BLOODY THRUST!

A military build up started
Of the likes Aus. has never seen
The Yanks flew their B1 bombers down
To complete the scary scene.

Paratroopers were dropped from the air
Satellites deployed to check the ground
When at last, EUREKA! Came loud and clear...
As the allies did a pincer and surround.

Folks you know the rest
Eric's death has been reported
And for his bravery that U.S. Marine
Was honoured, then deported.

Eric the evil emu
That day lost all his luck
And is now a pile of feathers
Thanks to Cosgrove's Tandem Thrust!

-Rob Spence -

Eric the Evil Emu

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