A Spider In The Sink by S Theobald

A Spider In The Sink

There's a spider in the sink and he needs a little drink
'Cos he's tired of spinning cobwebs all the day.
And his wife has asked her mother
Round for tea and that's another
Thing that makes a little spider think life grey.

So if you ever see a spider drinking gin and apple cider,
Then it may be him I saw at break of day.
If he's lying topsy-turvy
And his web's all crazed and curvey
Then he's pissed, but that's the way it is, I'd say.

Eight legs he cannot steer when he's drunk, that's not so queer,
Pick him up and put him out in the back yard.
But if he's seeing double
With ten eyes, then he's got trouble.
Twenty views to keep a hold on's pretty hard.

Treat him nice and kindly, do not squash him blindly,
A spider's nice and furry if you look.
Pat him, pet him, feed him flies,
All according to his size.
What you give is rather less than what HE took.

Just to end this little ditty with a line that's rather pretty,
I would like to give this final little thought:
If you were a male spider,
After sex you'd be inside her.

(Just digest this information, here's the rub.
As a man you won't get eaten,
But a spider he is meat an'
On the menu at this venue he is grub,)

So be chaste and act the way that you've been taught!

-S Theobald -

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